Monday, December 29, 2014

The Ostensibly Impossible Quest



      I passed my defense, so now I’m officially Dr. Boeotian Sow.
      (My students are going to be made aware of this, believe me.)
      Finishing my doctorate has been a painful process, and has effected substantial changes upon me. I’ve been distressed to find that, in my quest to familiarize myself with the sources and scholarship relevant to my dissertation, I’ve lost my faculty with other material that I once prided myself on knowing. (I used to know all the obscure names in mythology and could place them on family trees by memory--but I’m afraid no one has asked me about Hypermnestra or Lamia for a long time, and those minor characters have all faded from my mind.) I’ve had to study a large body of literature and extract new conclusions from it, marshalling everything in one direction to make my dissertation a cohesive, unified work--which has unfortunately forced me to consider ideas with a direct and single-minded attention to whether they support my thesis or not. I’ve had to change the ways I think about literature and history, the ways I analyze opinions; I’ve had to learn to talk about classics in a critically productive way. And of course there are the social effects on my life, how I’ve had to withdraw from interpersonal interaction and retreat into my world of books and articles, how my ability to make small talk and otherwise interact with people has atrophied from disuse. Getting a doctorate is not something to be undertaken without knowing the potential consequences.
      The whole harrowing process recalled to me my adventures in high school, when I was competing seriously in Latin competitions, everything from little local meets straight up to the national tournament. That experience was quite different from my current one; it was stressful, sometimes overwhelmingly so, but it also had a sense of magnificence to it. I don’t want to aggrandize myself--although I derived great pride and a sense of accomplishment from my skill in this Latin competition, I won few meaningful prizes at nationals, and I had an acute sense that my success in this competition was unlikely to translate into success in any professional endeavor after high school--nevertheless, in traveling across the country to national tournaments, I felt a great kinship to the mythic heroes I studied. In my quests to bring back the big prizes at nationals, I imagined myself as one of the heroes who were assigned tasks that were meant to be impossible, yet who were nonetheless able to succeed at them. Jason was sent to retrieve the Golden Fleece, Bellerophon was sent to kill the Chimaera, Perseus was sent to slay Medusa. Hercules was famously sent after a dozen impossible tasks, succeeding with aplomb through cleverness or inventiveness or favors or force. I envied Hercules, who could borrow the Cup of the Sun to sail across the impossibly wide river Ocean, and bring back the cattle as assigned from the far side of the world. There was a grandeur in Hercules’ adventures: even though he started out fighting local monsters within walking distance of his home, his adventures as they progressed grew more and more spectacular, so that he was traveling farther and in more incredible ways, to seek more marvelous treasures. In my imagination, my academic endeavors would progress like that, growing into ever more spectacular successes with ever-growing accolades. I suppose I don’t have to tell you that the reality of my academic career has been nothing like Hercules’ Labors. While it has been a rewarding process for me intellectually, the tedium of working long hours for little money, double-checking the minutia of my quotations and references, debating with my professors whether my argument says precisely what I mean it to say--well, it has me wondering about Jason’s long sea voyage out to find the Golden Fleece, how many days he spent arguing with his navigator about whether their maps agreed with each other, how many tedious days he spent just rowing endlessly toward the next landfall, with no events of note and probably the same tasteless gruel at every meal.
      I’d like to save Jason for another day--he has a dodgy history and I’ve been storing up all the things I want to say about him--but Bellerophon is a different story. He was a dashing hero, evidently charming and good-looking, but his career as a hero got off to a rocky start. The first events of his career are all unfortunate accidents that can hardly be chalked up to his own outstanding virtue or initiative. First he accidentally killed someone in his hometown, and so was driven off as a murderer. He managed to find asylum and ritual purification in another Greek town, where he became entangled in a “Potiphar’s Wife” plot: the queen, noticing that he had the impressive physique of an accidental murderer, fell in love with her guest and attempted to seduce him, but he rebuffed her; in revenge, she accused him of attempting to seduce her. The king was evidently a softhearted type and was squeamish about killing a guest, no matter what improprieties the guest had pressed on his wife. Therefore he sent Bellerophon off to visit a friend of his, one Iobates, with a letter asking Iobates to kill Bellerophon on his behalf.
      As the story goes on, the plot seems to be immobilized by its cast of well-meaning gentlemen who are just too gosh-darn nice to murder anyone, and end up trying (and perpetually failing) to arrange murders in ineffectively convoluted ways. Iobates, similarly desiring to keep his hands clean of murder, plots to kill Bellerophon by sending him out on a quest to kill a monster, the dreaded Chimaera. This was a three-headed monster that was a composite of several ordinary animals; there’s a beautiful Etruscan bronze sculpture of it on display in Florence. Bellerophon is able to defeat the Chimaera, however, because he has the favor of the gods and has been given the flying horse Pegasus to make him an unbeatable warrior. At Iobates’ request (and with help from Pegasus), he also defeats three separate armies that have been troubling the locals, and also handily defeats a band of warriors who have been sent (by Iobates) to ambush him. At this point Iobates finally realizes that Bellerophon may enjoy some sort of divine favor, and so stops trying to kill him and instead marries him to his daughter (sometimes identified as the sister of the queen who tried to seduce Bellerophon, which could have set up some very awkward Thanksgiving dinners), an endeavor that turns out to be much more successful. They have some children together, and when Iobates dies Bellerophon inherits his kingdom.
      The happy ending breaks down, however, when Bellerophon overreaches the blessings that the gods have bestowed upon him. He attempts to fly Pegasus up Mount Olympus to visit the gods at home, which is hardly acceptable gratitude for a divine gift. The gods send a fly to bite Pegasus, who then throws Bellerophon off. Bellerophon is condemned to the worst possible fate for a Greek hero, which you may recall from Oedipus Rex or Medea: he is not killed, but rather forced to stay alive and endure his failure and self-inflicted misfortune. He stands as a textbook case of hubris and a cautionary tale to stay within mortal limits.
      I’ve spoken before about modes of flight in mythology, and how in this fantasy land we call Greek myth there are a few, but only a few, characters who can fly--and Pegasus (and his rider Bellerophon) are counted in that lucky company. You may ask where this flying horse came from, since flying horses are not like satyrs or centaurs, which are quite common in Greek myth and in fact have their own society separate from humans. There are enough horses in Greek myth, but Pegasus is (usually) the only one that can fly. Pegasus’ ancestry may be surprising: he is the son of Medusa, that noxious monster who was plaguing another region and was set as the impossible quest for Perseus. Medusa was originally a very beautiful woman (with two sisters who were incongruously hideous) who was cursed by Athena (because Medusa had the audacity to be raped by Poseidon in Athena’s temple) to become serpent-haired and unendurably ugly. When Perseus arrived at Medusa’s home she was pregnant with Poseidon’s offspring, and when Perseus cut off her head the children burst out through her neck: Pegasus the winged horse, and a giant with a golden sword. Pegasus was famous for visiting the Muses at Mount Helicon (pictured in the backdrop), where he struck a stone with his hoof and created a spring. But he was most famous for teaming up with Bellerophon and flying him all over the place--which is in my opinion quite striking and noteworthy.
      I said above that the action in Bellerophon’s story is stalled by the fact that none of the people who are supposed to murder Bellerophon are really willing to murder him, but rest assured that Bellerophon himself is not restrained by any such scruples. He of course murders the warriors who have been sent to ambush him, but aside from this reaction to preserve his own life, he also actively plots a murder of his own. Remember the queen who accused him of trying to seduce her? When he finally caught a break from all the people who were trying halfheartedly to murder him, he went back to see her and invited her to test drive his flying horse--then pushed her off at a great height. He shares an unfortunate career arc with many Greek heroes, insofar as he goes on for a long time enjoying the favor of the gods and triumphantly overcoming the greatest challenges the world has to offer, only to redirect his energy, when the monsters are all slain, to inappropriate goals, transgressing the limits of mortals, or revenging himself upon a petty queen who didn’t even have enough influence to have one of her enemies murdered. I suppose I was willing to admire him only at the height of his career, I wanted to reach an incredible success like his, but not screw it up at the end.
      At any rate, I made it: I can notify my high school self that I went to Colchis and came back with the Golden Fleece, that I slew the Chimera in Lycia, that it wasn’t as spectacular as I might have wished, but that I accomplished it all the same. Now to see what I can do with this sheepskin hanging on my wall.

Monday, December 15, 2014

Conversation with Melody



Your spine was the string of a violin
stretched tight and fine and strained across
some sounding board I couldn’t see.
As your voice played the metronome
we found ourselves a common time
and sang ideas into words
that rang. My belly was a drum
that beat its own accompaniment
stretched taut to bursting, round and firm
across some foreign element
only half mine.
You told me our songs were the same,
just harmonized in counterpoint.
I’d not affirm, nor disagree.
Yes, I’d like to accompany you,
but only when I’m reassured
your song suits mine.
So name your key.

Sunday, December 7, 2014

Fragment after Sappho


Fragment after Sappho
 

Love’s fortunes swing without warning.
I can’t balance as they sway.
From desire to disaster,
it’s so hard to stop halfway.


[Author's note: This week I'm up against one of the most stressful deadlines of my life to date. I'd appreciate your good thoughts.]

Sunday, November 23, 2014

Scheduling

Apologies. Too busy with my day job to post this week. Try back next week.

Monday, November 10, 2014

The Sky over Saint Peter's



Sorry for the late post. I'm grading the second midterm this week, on top of at least fifteen other enormous deadlines. Please enjoy this poem that I wrote when I was living in Rome. 

The Sky over Saint Peter's




No rain, no clouds, no sadness yet
just blue on blue on top of blue
so blue it hurts my eyes.
As not-so-early morning traffic
swirls around the fountain
and dies into the night.

Or pre-dawn glowing gold-on-blue
over the buildingtops too greet
the day that’s paused in coming.
I skirt the fountain, yet alone,
can’t quite define the color
suspended in the air.

Stars are hard to find in Rome.
From my terazza, certainly
a dark spot in the city,
I count no more than twenty.
So frightened by the big-town bustle
they slink into the corners
and wink out as I chase them.

But molten gold glows slowly, surely
filtered through the leaves of trees
as light begins to fade.
Behind me blue melts into pink
as one lone airplane traces high an arc;

you’d think it was a star.